How To: Terrible Metaphors

Sometimes, you are in anguish. It could be that you saw a picture of your ex with another girl on Facebook, or that your fantasy football team has managed to win 110% of its games. Maybe your dog decided he hates you, maybe you just found out your entire family is planning on seeing Les […]

Open Letters from the Counting Crows Concert

Dear Couple Next to Me, I am not so good at concerts, probably because I grew up going to the Kennedy Center every few months to see the National Symphony Orchestra, and in the Kennedy Center there are throat lozenges available for people who think they might cough during performances, and coughing is frowned upon. […]

Your Voice In My Head

“After the session, I stop in a department store to buy red lipstick I don’t need — all red lipstick is red lipstick, no red lipstick is needed. The man behind the NARS counter puts it on me … ‘It’s hard to tell what suits me at the moment because I’ve been crying a lot.’ […]

How To Keep Your Hair Pink

While Trying to Keep Emotionally Stable (based on a true story) The Thrilling Sequel to How To Dye Your Hair. So you got teary-eyed waiting in line for California Pizza Kitchen at the student center. That’s okay! At least there were no wildabeast-like sobs. No one noticed how, in your attempt to cover up said […]

How To Dye Your Hair

when you are emotionally unstable (based on a true story) So let’s say someone has broken your heart. Or you didn’t get the job you wanted. Or you keep reading about how this is the last season of 30 Rock. You hurt, right? You need to let your feelings out but you don’t want to […]