Insulting Resulting

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is December 8th and I have a word document open that has all of the insults you guys have thrown (typed) at me during the last week. I’m proud to announce the three winners: 3rd place goes to Tiffany Seaman, who actually made me want to throw up and laugh […]

A Contest

People have been so kind to me this week. I sincerely, truly, deeply, whole-heartedly appreciate your support. I joke around a lot, but I’m serious when I say that even little things like your ‘likes’ on Facebook keep me motivated. I can’t even talk about the comments and texts. Or I will cry. Happy tears, […]

Sporknotes: Willy Wonka Fashion

It’s Black Friday (no offense), and I wanted to write something about fashion in order to help you out in your quest for the perfect purchase. The original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory provided a most scrumdiddlydumptious source of inspiration. I mean, check out Mike Teevee’s mom’s eye make-up! Delectable. The “Golden Ticket” Charlie […]

Crime Blotter #3

CRIMES AGAINST POULTRY At 10:04 PM on Nov. 19, a student walking home from the USC campus came in contact with a live chicken resting on the hood of a car. When questioned, the student insisted, “He was not just in the Hood, he was also on a hood. I was pretty shocked.” Experts verified: […]

Things You Should Get Credit For More Often

Being on time. Being five minutes early. Being five minutes early with cookies for everyone! Eating three meals a day. Eating three meals a day that have nutritional value. Wearing sunscreen. Walking in heels. Running. Sweating but not smelling. Calling your loved ones. Writing letters. Writing emails. AWESOME GRAMMAR. STELLAR SPELLING. Avoiding the overuse of […]

Crime Blotter #2

CRIMES AGAINST A PERSON At 10:12 A.M. on Oct. 10, a student worker was told to sharpen pencils at her on campus job. Over 400 pencils were found on the scene. After 2 hours at the electric sharpener, her will to live is in critical condition, but an expert in the field assured DPS that after […]

Sporknotes: Black Swan

This time last year, I tried to get a blog off the ground that would do what spark notes does: explain things you should probably know as a “cultured” human being in an understandable way. Except Sporknotes, my poor little brainchild, would be so much more! I had plans to sum up current events, movies, mythologies, […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: Grey Gardens

The Little Version I discovered the phenomenon that is Grey Gardens today, over thirty years too late, and this is how I feel: If you don’t know about Grey Gardens, I have provided a nifty explanation of my findings down below in “The Big Version” of my discovery. In short, this is what I learned […]