Ask Me How I’m Feeling: US Weekly’s Best of 2012

My dad is a doctor. He is my hero. He saves lives and listens to people’s problems, and for some reason every piece-of-crap magazine thinks that his home address is his office, so they send issue after STAR MELTDOWN issue, month after month. These are all good things. I would never ever spend real money […]

A Les Miserable Review

WARNING: The following review contains SPOILERS and was written by someone whose only authority comes from four years of high school theatre. All questions, comments, and concerns can be directed to Hugh Jackmen. He’s my secretary, and he loves talking on the phone. Sacré blur, where do I begin? First of all, even though I […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: Election 2012

Dear Diary, Elections Make Me Crazy!! When I was a freshman in high school, I decided I wanted to run for student government. The people involved were always running around with megaphones and capes, and I thought, “Hey, I’d be pretty darn good at wearing a cape and with my lung capacity, I don’t even […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling … And I Will Cry On You

Three things you should know about me before I start this story: 1. I always cry when I get dropped off at the airport. Ask the Super Shuttle driver who last drove me to Dulles. Sorry about that, Nate. 2. If I start crying, I usually have to cry myself out before I can stop. Sometimes […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: Grey Gardens

The Little Version I discovered the phenomenon that is Grey Gardens today, over thirty years too late, and this is how I feel: If you don’t know about Grey Gardens, I have provided a nifty explanation of my findings down below in “The Big Version” of my discovery. In short, this is what I learned […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: iPhone 5

Do you hear that? That strange, distant clicking? It is the sound of the entire world … pre-ordering the new iPhone. As a proud owner of a dumb phone (the kind that can’t even participate in group texts, poor thing), it would take a major innovation to convince me to make the change over to […]