Sporknotes: Y2K

The following is nine year old Christina giving a minute to minute play-by-play of the turn of the century, when the world was supposed to end. This little gem from “Still December 31, 1999” is written on a giant piece of butterfly-shaped paper with pink lines. Apparently, it took me almost two hours to fill the whole thing.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

“It’s now 10:20. I will try to write this like a diary/book. I will put as many photos as possible. [Note: no photos were found with this notebook.] I will write anything that I think about. One of those things is all the computer bugs people talk about. They call it the Y2K Bug. People also say that people will attack three major cities in the USA. I really don’t think so. I just looked at the clock, it’s only 10:30. Only ten minutes have passed! I think it will be forever till midnight. Four minutes have passed. [Clearly I was better at math as a nine year old than I am now.] I know some people [no people] might wonder why I want to write this scrapbook like a diary you could find at the library is because I read so much all my thoughts get sorted like a, well, just like as if I were reading a book. [Great grammar, Wolfgram. You show ’em who’s bookworm.] I know, it is pretty weird, I know. It just how my brain is. [Wow, I was a [bass]hole child!] It’s almost 11:00. I will be sleeping in my mom’s room with my two brothers. Their names are Fatrick (7 going on 8) and Shmaniel (5 going on six). I also have a little sister named Banana, Boey for short (2 going on three). She is too young to sleep with us tonight. I have been watching a really cool and funny mystery movie. I don’t really feel like explaining it when there is still so much more to write. It is 11:30. Everyone is asleep execpt me. Ok, my mom is in a really light sleep. Maybe not. [Any minute now, little me should contemplate what it will be like to die in a fiery apocalypse, right?] My mom and brothers are all snoring. The movie I’m watching is getting very freaky. People always ask me why I like the word freak, what I always say, “I like the sound of it.” Oh my gosh! ten minutes!!!! Yes! This is so great! All my waiting is finally going to pay off! Eight minutes! Seven minutes! Six minutes! Five minutes! Four minutes! Three minutes! Two minutes!!! One minute!!!!!!!!!!

And that’s where my epic diary/soon-to-be-library-book ends. If archeologists someday find this piece of paper, I hope they assume that the end of my butterfly-shaped narrative does indeed signify the end of the world. I guess they will also assume that I am a schizofrenic, because I have no idea who all these “people” I am talking about are. Very upsetting.

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Oh well, self discovery. Children are the future, all that. I hope you are enjoying this, the other end of the world!

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