So, my esteemed writing colleague and I were having a rather hilarious conversation earlier about … death. Obviously. Everything you’ve heard about writers is true. We are awful. And we talk about death and we will drink all of your free coffee.*
*This blogger takes no responsibility for what could be an outright lie. All statements are made from the author’s personal experiences and guilt of drinking other people’s coffee.
Wow. Death. Hmm. It dawned on me later as I was drinking my third cup of free work-provided coffee that there is a legitimately high chance that someday, I am going to die. Maybe like, a 99% chance. Sometimes when this occurs to me, like when I’m making toast or changing lightbulbs, I get scared. Today, I found it amusing. I mean, all the greats have done it, some of them on purpose (oi!). So being scared is probably a waste of time.
Anyway, if (okay, when) I die, there is the possibility that I could stay on Earth as a ghost. In preparation, I have compiled a list of ways that I would like to haunt people.
– Tap dance rehearsal in the middle of the night.
– Opera rehearsal first thing in the morning.
– Possessing cats and rubbing against people’s feet all day long, relentlessly.
– Drawing on the refrigerator. With washable marker, of course. I’m not a ghoul.
– Leaving threatening haikus. For example: Snore once more and I/Shall hold your nose or even/Tickle your armpits. Spooky, right?
– Putting their fingertips in warm water while they sleep. Just because I’ve always wanted to do that and there is no one I could do that to now who wouldn’t get me back ten times worse. My stress levels are high enough without having to worry that someone is going to cause me to poo myself, thankyouverymuch.
– Haunted burritos.
– Prank calls.
– Reorganized bookshelves.
– Playing Mean Girls on the living room television over and over again, whether or not they own it.
– Cher karaoke!
– Possessing cats … oh wait, I said that already.
Obviously, it’s a work in progress. Hopefully I have a while to think it over. (Should I knock on wood after saying that?)
How would you like to haunt people if YOU were a ghost?