When I graduated college last year, I was very conscious of my classmates’ fears about the future and the job market and about wanting to become famous but not knowing where to begin. The Catholic University of America, my little nugget of an alma mater, is one of those schools where you feel like you know everyone, at least by face. By senior year, I was pretty confident that I had made eye contact, made friends, or made out with most of the people who were graduating with me, so I was really curious to see who would “make it big” first.
This week I found out that one of my classmates – Colin Small — is famous. I sang with his rock band once. I used to see him all the time working at the front desk in my apartment building. I tried to keep up with his love life, smiling when his blonde girlfriend was visiting him at work. I felt like I knew him in that way that you absolutely do not know someone at all.
That’s not the point. The point is that this week, he has been a star on the internet, all major newspapers and news shows, and most importantly, compared to the scary albino monk from The DaVinci Code on THE COLBERT REPORT.
On one hand, I feel absolutely terrible for Colin. When I think about all the times I’ve accidentally thrown something away at work, I get nauseous. It’s impressive enough that he got a real job straight out of college. It sucks that all this “law” stuff is getting in the way of his happiness.
On the other hand, I’m having a hard time with this information. My first instinct is to change my profile picture to this:
My second instinct is to change my profile picture to this:
I have also been throwing away sketches for the SAVE COLIN t-shirts that I want to make (of course, sporting the pictures shown above), but I can’t tell if that’s appropriate. I can’t even tell if this blog post is appropriate.
The thing is, I poke fun of people that I don’t know ALL THE TIME. I have watched way too much South Park to ever question the morality of making cracks at public figures. But now that someone I used to sort of wave to is one of those public figures, my Jiminy Cricket is clearing his throat.
“Laughing at Colbert’s sausage joke is despicable,” he says. “Stop laughing,” he says. “Would you want people to do this to you?”
Well …. YES.
You don’t even have to wait for me to be arrested. I’d love it if you changed your profile picture to a terribly edited photo of me right now!
I wonder if they make t-shirts in cricket sizes …