Ask Me How I’m Feeling: iPhone 5

Do you hear that? That strange, distant clicking? It is the sound of the entire world … pre-ordering the new iPhone.

As a proud owner of a dumb phone (the kind that can’t even participate in group texts, poor thing), it would take a major innovation to convince me to make the change over to a fancy prancy iPhone. When I read over some of the recent reviews, I wasn’t really impressed. The iPhone 5 has retina vision — well, so do I! I have two perfectly good retinas! It also has added map features, which I find completely useless since I am a world explorer who is only uses maps that are carved into tree bark or on papyrus. That is homemade.

According to the Apple website, the iPhone 5 also has “video face detection for up to 10 faces.” I have no idea what that means, but all I can imagine is a phone eating my face. My face and all nine of my imaginary friends’ faces.¬† Face detection PLUS all of the creepiness that is Siri — I don’t think it is unreasonable to compare the iPhone 5 to a Furby. Scary stuff.

Needless to say, I think Apple has to step it up. Or tone it down. If it comes out with an iPhone Christmas Edition that has a SantaSiri, I may reconsider. For now, I am thinking about other things to spend $200 on, like:

– Ten of the phones I have right now.
– Twenty Chipotle burritos.
– A down payment on a face lift.
– A gift card for someone that says I put a down payment for them to get a face lift.
– Shopping spree at Claire’s.

So, my friends and I play a game called “Ask me how I’m feeling?” It has no rules except that you need a picture of someone really really close up. Then you tell someone to ask you how you are feeling and voila! Share the picture. I think maybe you and I will have to practice it a few times. Let’s try it now. Ask me how I am feeling about the new iPhone 5 ….

I feel skeptical, kind of confused about the face-eating qualities of the iPhone, and, to be honest, very very hungry.

See? Wasn’t that fun and only a little embarrassing?

Want to ask me how I am feeling about something? (probably not, but just in case) Leave suggestions in the comments below!! Thank you for reading! You are so beautiful and generous.

Or, at least, I think so.

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