Sporknotes: Black Swan

This time last year, I tried to get a blog off the ground that would do what spark notes does: explain things you should probably know as a “cultured” human being in an understandable way. Except Sporknotes, my poor little brainchild, would be so much more! I had plans to sum up current events, movies, mythologies, […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: Grey Gardens

The Little Version I discovered the phenomenon that is Grey Gardens today, over thirty years too late, and this is how I feel: If you don’t know about Grey Gardens, I have provided a nifty explanation of my findings down below in “The Big Version” of my discovery. In short, this is what I learned […]

What I SHOULD Wear Out

If I’m going to wear a dress that suffocates, it might as well weigh 100 pounds and put the peasants in an uproar. Just sayin’.

Things You Should Hear More Often

Do you use whitening toothpaste? Your skin looks flawless. I thought you must run or lift weights or something. Your arms look skinny. I wish I could pull off those pants. [This can mean two things.] He will never get over you. How did you manage to straighten your hair when you have to wake […]

Ask Me How I’m Feeling: iPhone 5

Do you hear that? That strange, distant clicking? It is the sound of the entire world … pre-ordering the new iPhone. As a proud owner of a dumb phone (the kind that can’t even participate in group texts, poor thing), it would take a major innovation to convince me to make the change over to […]

Crime Blotter

Today I picked up USC’s campus newspaper, The Daily Trojan, for the first time, hoping to learn more about social events that aren’t football. Instead, I found this, the first entry in the crime blotter: CRIMES AGAINST A PERSON At 2:29 P.M. on Sept. 4, a staff member in the Eileen and Kenneth T. Norris […]

Golden Coast

Sometimes when I am walking home from my classes at 10 o’clock at night wondering if I’ll get mugged, or walking into a meeting smelling distinctly of goat after making the sweaty trek from my house to campus, I think (and never ever say out loud because that would be talking to myself and I […]